As I get ready to pack up and leave Virtuous Vermont and head to CrazyFornia, I like to remember those fun times of 2020, when the world went ape-shit crazy. I don’t know what it was like in other states, but here the “rules” said that you if you visited a neighboring state, you had to quarantine for a week in your home before you could venture out into the world again. In other words, the Scary Virus was so bad that the mere act of crossing a state boundary would propel the Scary Virus into becoming a Sooper-Dooper Scary Virus of Doom. The really amazing thing about this very scientific piece of The Science™ is that the Scary Virus knew where the state boundaries were and respected them. If you ventured to within an inch of the boundary but didn’t cross, you’d be fine. But if you crossed over the line even a millimeter (that’s smaller than an inch, for those of you who didn’t take high school physics), then you’d suddenly become a super-spreader of the Sooper-Dooper Scary Virus of Doom.
If you’ve ever been in the so-called “Upper Valley”, where the cities of New Hampshire and Vermont get really friendly with each other, you’d realize the utter absurdity of the quarantine rule. It’s perfectly normal to buy groceries at the food co-op in White River Junction (VT), then drive four blocks and cross the Connecticut River to West Lebanon (NH) to buy gas for the car. But in March 2020, this perfectly normal behavior was now designated as a dangerous, quarantine-worthy, super-spreading event.
And speaking of that food co-op in White River Junction: it’s one of the nicest little groceries around, but they went full-on Covidian with the masks and one-way stickers, and not allowing shoppers to bring their own virus-infested bags into the store. Sure, we wasted a lot of single-use bags, but at least we were safe from that Sooper-Dooper Scary Virus of Doom. Even as recently as March of this year, a full four years after the inception of the Great Scamdemic, the employees of that co-op were back to wearing masks again. I asked one of the checkers about this, and he said that they were all getting sick again. It’s heart-warming to know that the Magic Talisman of the mask still works its magic, reminding us once again of that wonderful Spring of 2020.
I also fondly remember all those fancy devices that grocery stores installed in March 2020 to track the number of people that entered and exited the stores. These devices kept us all so very safe, as we shivered outside in the sub-freezing temperatures (March in Vermont is not like March in Silicon Valley). Somebody probably made a lot of money on those devices, while shop and cafe owners throughout Vermont lost their businesses because they were considered “non-essential” workers. But at least we were safe from that Sooper-Dooper Scary Virus of Doom.
I love White River Junction! Thanks for reminding me about the craziness. It's REALLY important that it doesn't get slipped down the memory hole.