Greetings, Virtuous Voters! We at the Ministry of Truthiness want to call your attention to a propaganda message that we had the White House deliver for us. It’s called the National COVID-19 Preparedness Plan. It’s so sciency and scientific that we wanted to go over a few important points and translate them into simple language so that even you feeble-minded but obedient serfs can understand them.
Let’s dive into this awesome document.
We look to a future when Americans no longer fear lockdowns, shutdowns, and our kids not going to school.
Translation: We have no intention of slowing down our campaign of fear. By keeping alive the threats of the abuse that we inflicted on you at various times over the last three years, we can keep your fear alive and kicking. This will come in handy when we announce some new scariant and need to coerce you into complying with all the roolz again.
The United States has experienced five waves of the pandemic since 2020, including three in the past year that were driven by new variants.
Translation: Keep being afraid of the word “variant”. Even though the variants got less harmful as time went on, as usually happens with viruses, we want you to ignore that fact and keeping reminding yourselves that “variant” means “Scary New Thing”. As we said earlier, the fear keeps you obedient and compliant.
As the country emerges from the Omicron wave, our path forward relies on maintaining and continually enhancing the numerous tools we now have to protect ourselves and our loved ones – from vaccines, to tests, to treatments, to masks, and more.
Translation: None of the things we did already (vaccines, tests, treatments, masks) did anything to stop the virus or improve overall health outcomes. In fact, they made things worse. But we can’t stop doing them now, because that would mean we’d have to admit we were completely wrong. So let’s keep doing the things that haven’t worked yet, and maybe by some magical happenstance they’ll start to work.
In January 2021, Americans had very few tools to protect against COVID-19, and the tools we did have were in limited supply.
Translation: We want to make sure that you think that the Glorious Goo is the only thing that can save you from certain death. All the other things that people used to do to stay healthy – exercise, fresh air, good food, and so forth – are completely useless against the Worst Disease Ever. And we want you to forget all the efforts that some deplorable disinformation-peddling doctors made to find safe treatments, like that terrible horse dewormer crap.
As a result, today, the vast majority of Americans have the protection of a vaccine – with 215 million Americans fully vaccinated, and an estimated two-thirds of eligible adults having received their booster shot.
Translation: We were able to boost the stock prices of Pfizer and Moderna by nudging, coercing, and scaring y’all into taking some untested injection products, which is really great for people like Albert Bourla. These injectables didn’t stop the Worst Disease Ever, and they injured and killed a bunch of people. But it was totally worth it to save just one life from the Worst Disease Ever.
vaccines saved over 1 million American lives
Translation: We want you to focus on this gigantic number, which we made up out of thin air using some very sciency and scientific computer models. Don’t try to do the math on this by dividing this inflated figure of 1 million by the population of the United States, because if you do, you’ll find that the IFR (Infection Fatality Rate) of the Worst Disease Ever isn’t very high, on a par with the flu. We can’t let that happen, so we’ll keep pushing our fear campaign so that you’ll think that you’re gonna die for sure if you catch the Worst Disease Ever.
1 million additional courses of the Pfizer antiviral available in March
Translation: The Pfizer antiviral doesn’t actually work (even Tony Fauci got the “Paxlovid Rebound”). But it costs over $500 per dose, so that will keep poor altruistic Pfizer alive a little longer as they work to save the planet.
The nation’s testing supply has increased dramatically.
Translation: In the old days people could tell if they were sick because they’d have symptoms like feeling sick. In the New Normal, you can only tell if you’re sick by taking a test. If you don’t take a test you’ll be terrified every time you get a sniffle because you won’t know if you’ve got the Worst Disease Ever. So to assuage these irrational fears, we are going to keep the testing mania going. This has the added benefit of shoveling tons of money at the Chinese companies that make the test kits.
And the U.S. government has successfully put equity at the heart of a nationwide public health response.
Translation: Those pesky blacks didn’t take the Glorious Goo as much as the whites did. So we used extra propaganda on them, in the hopes that they would forget about Tuskegee and trust us already.
Make no mistake, as America moves forward we will leave no one behind.
Translation: We will continue to blast our propaganda at you in every way possible: radio, TV, newspapers, and social media. We’ll also continue to make sure that Big Tech censors or hides any misinformation that doesn’t align with our propaganda. After all, anybody who distrusts us is a domestic terrorist, so we have to make sure you don’t listen to those terrible people.
We hope this explains more clearly what the kindly hair-sniffing folks at the White House were trying to say. Rest assured that we’ll have them dispense more of our propaganda as we move into the next Winter of Severe Illness and Death.
By this point, people would have to have .5 brain cells! If anyone believes at this time the propaganda being spread by the typical outlets, then maybe those people should line up monthly as originally stated by Dr Evil Fauci and get their fix! It’s beyond comprehension that anyone would or can believe “chicken little” !
My concern at this juncture is have those all powerful Oz a plan to unwillingly round people up? Or force people to comply with some secondary military operation? I can’t believe these piglets will all, “a good crisis to go to waste” they’ve invested 3.5 years and all have been rewarded monetarily! Unless those vaccinated have been injected with something on a time delay, which isn’t to far off to believe, after all, the first round nailed a third of elderly patients, the second round and counting, middle aged people, athletes, this third round may be triggered with 5g cell towers, and in theory could completely eliminate another third or more or at minimum, disabled people to overwhelm the medical system. Only a thought, dots are still being connected, who knows what’s to come? I can’t see this ending well sadly, but I do believe a light has been shining down and many know who’s responsible!
Good translation.