Greetings, pFearful pFizer pFaithful! We at the Ministry of Truthiness expect that you have already heard our propaganda about a disease we made up, which we’re calling by the very scary name “Disease X”. Because we just made this thing up, we made up the fact that it could be 20 times worser than The Worst Disease Ever:
But we’ve noticed that you don’t seem to be acting as scared as we want you to be, so we’re rolling out a new invented disease that we’re calling “Disease Y”. For those of you who didn’t make it past nursery school, Y is the next letter after X, which means it’s even worser than X. How much worser? Well, if Disease X was 20 times worser than The Worst Disease Ever, then obviously Disease Y is going to be 20 times worser than Disease X!
We know math is hard for y’all, so this means that Disease Y is going to be 400 times worser than The Worst Disease Ever. That’s really bad! How bad? Well, remember how we made up that 1 million figure for how many people died of The Worst Disease Ever here in The Land of the Free? Well, that means that everybody in the Land of the Free is going to die of Disease Y, plus a few Canadians and Mexicans.
But fortunately, when we inflict Disease Y on you at some random, unpredictable time in the not-so-distant future, we’ll also have a wonderful new injectable Glorious Goo all ready to go that will save you from this horrible disease. But we can’t let you have the Goo right away. Like we did with the Worst Disease Ever, we’ll first make you do those fun rituals like masking, anti-social distancing, and locking yourselves in your homes for months on end. That way, you’ll be so desperate for us to let you go back to “normal” lives, you’ll line up for the new revised Glorious Goo in even greater numbers than last time.
So in the meantime, remember to be scared — really scared. Because the scariest is yet to come!
And my calendar with the priest shooting the baptism water at the baby shows just how crazy it can get! Thanks again for that, Mark.