Hail Our Glorious Propaganda
This is only the beginning!
Greetings, followers of The Science™! We at the Ministry of Truthiness are very proud of the propaganda we’ve been dispensing over the last three years, and we’re proud of all you right-thinkers for helping us to spread it. Here’s a recap of that propaganda:
Why are we going over this stuff again? Because the next time we declare an emergency, we want you all to use these same techniques to shame, cancel, censor, and ostracize the thought criminals who disagree with us. So let’s enumerate the various kinds of propaganda that we used and hope to use again in the near future:
Nobody is Safe Until Everyone is Safe!
The great thing about this message is that it guilt-trips the populace into complying with our rules. You see, even a single dissenter can put the rest of the 8 billion people on the planet into mortal danger.
You’re Going to Die if You Don’t Comply!
So not only are dissenters threatening the entire world, but they’re going to die! So obviously, they have no choice but to comply.
God Hates Dissenters!
God is on the side of The Science™, hence dissenters are on the side of Satan. Taking the Glorious Goo is a Christian value.
Dissenters Are the Problem!
As a corollary to the above totally true statements, dissenters are the problem, so they must be condemned, blamed, scolded, shamed, and excluded from society and healthcare.
Dissenters Are a Constant Threat
Similar to the idea that nobody is safe, the non-compliant, simply by walking around in society and breathing in the vicinity of good-thinkers, are the enemy and a danger to everyone. It’s the same as if they were walking around with Uzis and killing people randomly.
Dissenters are Irrational Idiots!
The non-compliant are stupid idiots and morons who don’t know what’s good for them.
Screw Your Freedom!
The non-compliant are freedom zealots who don’t care about anybody but themselves, so their freedoms need to be taken away.
Don’t Do Your Own Research!
Good-thinkers should trust experts and not think for themselves. Doing your own research used to be called reading, but we can’t allow that any more. People who do their own research are a danger to society and should be thrown in prison. The only people who should be allowed to do their own research are those super-sciency scientific Scientists™ who promote our special brand of The Science™.
Trust Entertainment Celebrities!
Don’t trust your own judgment, but trust experts like Sean Penn, Bono, Gene Simmons, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The Glorious Goo Stops the Dreaded Lurgy!
Sure, everybody and their uncle (including Joe Biden, Rochelle Walensky, Albert Bourla, and Anthony Fauci) got the Dreaded Lurgy multiple times after injecting the Glorious Goo. But this inconvenient fact should not stop you from believing in the Glorious Goo. Remember, the problem is the people who didn’t take the Glorious Goo – blame them instead!
Shun Dissenting Family and Friends!
As we mentioned above, the non-compliant are a threat to everyone, so you should not let dissenting family and friends into your homes.
Dissenters Should Not be Allowed to Travel!
The non-compliant, being a danger to everyone, should stay in their homes and not be allowed to go anywhere. This includes super-healthy world-class tennis players who refused to take the Glorious Goo.
A Disease of the Dissenters
Despite the inconvenient fact that people who took the Glorious Goo are more likely to catch the Dreaded Lurgy, this is still a disease of the non-compliant.
Those who look to the Glorious Goo for salvation still have a good chance at proof of personal virtue—to be delivered in the form of horrendous medical bills and appalling health outcomes. Bad outcomes, some might say, but proof of personal virtue has never been easy.