Greetings, pfaithful pFloridians! We at the Ministry of Truthiness are proud of how you Did the Right Thing during the most recent hurricane. You obeyed our Fearless Leader Brandon (FLB), who said to make sure you’d been injected with the Glorious Goo before the hurricane hit. He went on to say that if you were disobedient about injecting the Glorious Goo, things would be more difficult for you.
Now, you might ask what an injection for the Worst Disease Ever has to do with a weather disaster. Our most sciency scientific scientists have been asking themselves this very question, trying to understand exactly what FLB meant. As you know, FLB’s mind is so far ahead of everyone else’s that our inferior intellects aren’t immediately able to comprehend anything he says.
So our sciency scientists have a tough job ahead of them. But they’ve come up with some hypotheses that might explain FLB’s assertion:
If the Worst Disease Ever would have been worse without the Glorious Goo, then it makes sense that hurricanes would be worse without the Goo.
Maybe hurricanes are scared away by spike proteins being emitted by the Goo’d populace.
Maybe spike proteins make you more buoyant and thus less likely to drown when you get swept away by raging flood waters.
Maybe if you’ve gotten the Goo before the hurricane, you won’t have to wait in line to get it after the hurricane, when many of the Goo injection centers could have been washed away.
Maybe due to shortages caused by flooding, grocery stores and drug stores would not allow un-Goo’d people to enter. That would only be fair, since the un-Goo’d are all granny-killing, science-denying conspiracy theorists who deserve to die in natural disasters.
Whatever the reason turns out to be, you can be sure that Fearless Leader Brandon is in full possession of his mental faculties, and would never say something if it wasn’t true.
LOL!