Greetings, pfaithful pfollowers of The Science™! Today, we at the Ministry of Truthiness want to show you how you can use the New Science of Logic™ to prove just about anything you want in order to support our Standard Narrative, which is composed entirely of Lies and Misinformation. It’s really simple!
The key is to make statements that can’t be proved, due to a complete lack of data. Here’s the most popular example, which you should use if you get the Worst Disease Ever despite being protected from the Worst Disease Ever by having injected the Glorious Goo:
It would have been much worse without the Glorious Goo!
The above statement is perfect, because there’s no way of telling if it really would have been worse. That’s because you did get the Glorious Goo! The only way to know if the statement is true is by using a science fiction device to enter an alternate universe where you did not inject the Glorious Goo. But you would never do such a terrible, selfish thing! Therefore, that alternate universe could not possibly exist, so the statement must be true.
That’s how the New Science of Logic™ works! Pretty amazing, isn’t it? In fact, we can generalize this in the following Rule of Propaganda Logic:
Any statement that promotes our Standard Narrative must be true, even in the absence of supporting data.
There’s a corollary to this rule that you can use to fight those unclean no-good conspiracy-theorist plague rat misinformation super-spreaders:
Any statement that contradicts our Standard Narrative must be false, even if it has supporting data.
Keep these rules in mind, and you’ll be one step closer to the understanding the true nature of truthy truthful truthiness.