Greetings, fearful face-covering addicts! We at the Ministry of Truthiness know how confusing it is for you obedient serfs when it comes to the differing rules instituted by businesses everywhere. Some businesses say you have to wear a face diaper if you haven’t been jabbed with the Glorious Goo; others say everybody has to hide their faces; and some Very Bad Granny-Killing businesses don’t have any rules at all! What’s a Pfearful Pfizer Pfaithful serf to do?
Here’s a simple guide to showing your subservience and virtue properly in these baffling situations.
If the business requires face diapers only for the unjabbed, then don’t wear one, no matter how much you really really want to. We know, it’s super scary to have a naked face, but you wouldn’t want to be thought of as one of those selfish plague rats who didn’t get jabbed, would you? Of course not! You’re a virtuous person, after all. So drop the mask just this once, and put it on again as soon as you leave the premises.
If the business says everyone must wear a face diaper, then it’s simple! Wear one and show that you care, like all goodthinkers. Yes, this makes it difficult for you to detect those unclean super-spreaders who didn’t get jabbed, but at least everybody is suffocating together.
If the business has no rules, you probably shouldn’t patronize them, because they obviously don’t care about saving granny. But if you must enter their premises, wear a face diaper and show those evil business owners how it’s done!
See? It’s all very simple. If you just remember that you need to demonstrate your virtue to the maximum possible extent at all times, then you’ll be able to navigate the bewildering maze of rules like a hungry rat looking for the cheese reward.